YOU AND I ARE BEAUTIFUL.

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So this has taken me a little bit to write only because it's about me and how I feel about myself. I wanted to write this because I have a feeling that I'm not alone and maybe I could help someone else out. I don't have that “perfect body” or the “beautiful figure” as to what society is made us to believe. I'm far from what society thinks is “PERFECT.” I have many flaws. I have always been so hard on myself about how I'm supposed to look or how I'm supposed to feel.

I own a mirror, I know what I look like naked. Im always constantly saying to myself things that shouldn't be said to others. I feel like if I say it to myself enough that if someone else tells me it wouldn't hurt so much. I come from a “gifted” family. We have the big thighs, the rounds booties and the large boobs. But me having all those I feel, I don't look right. To be completely honest I do tell myself horrible things, like I'm fat, I'm obviously not skinny, my thighs are too big, I have moon craters as cellulite, I have huge stretch marks, I have pimples. And other things that I feel I shouldn't type out. I'm not confident in my own skin right now! I can be at home and dress up and take hundred selfies and say to myself “damn I feel good,” but I will never post them. I don't leave the house all dolled up sometimes because i don't want anyone to look at me and be like “Shit, Neri shouldn't be wearing that," "she's to fat or she's to ugly."

I had fell into a deep depression while I was in high school. I was a cheerleader, and I thought I was a good one. But hello, to be in of hundreds of people two to three times a week was tough on me. It may not have seemed like it because I loved doing it but deep down I didn't want to show my body to everyone. I wasn't even confident then. Being depressed about my weight, and how I felt about myself scared my mom,I would sit there cry and scream yelling to her that I wasn't going here or there because I didn't want anyone to see me. I felt to ugly. What a lot of people DO NOT know is that while I was in high school and the way I felt about myself, my mom and I went to different consultations for weight loss surgery. Yes! This is true! I felt that if I did the surgery, then I would be a new me. I would be confident, be skinny, be the weight number I was supposed to be. But I didn't do it. I was scared of doing it and I was only 16 years old!! Now imagine a 16 year old, a teenager, crying about how ugly she felt. Guys, that was me. I'm now 24 soon to be 25 and I still feel horrible about myself time to time.

My husband is the only person who has seen every inch of my body, and he has never said anything to me. I will sit there and make a nasty joke about myself like saying “I'm a fatass, right?” And he gets upset with me because I say these things to myself. Like I said, I'd rather put myself down then other people doing it, and I shouldn't be that way. I know that! I feel there isn't anything you can tell me that I haven't already told myself multiple times while standing in front of a mirror, nude. I have told myself many things for so many years. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to feel confident. That's all I have ever wanted. It's something that not only that I have struggled with for many, many years, but other 16 year old girls crying to their mothers about ugly they feel as well. Think about that. Its been a tough roller coaster to feel content with myself. It's something that I have most definitely need to work on. I want to be able to put on what I want and walk down the runway and feel like I'm a SEXY BITCH. I want to look in the mirror and be happy everyday. I want to stop being so ugly to myself and just move on with my life. I mean don't get me wrong there are days when I'm like “DAMN, I look good!”

I'm a plus size woman and I'm beautiful.❤ I don't get told everyday that I'am but I truly am. I believe that one day I will wake up from all of this and deep down be happy about myself and to just be so damn confident. I want everyone to know that we all have our own flaws, we just need to embrace them. It doesn't matter what skin color you are or what the scale number says. Remember, we are all different, and we are beautiful human beings.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. DON'T UNDERESTIMATE YOURSELF. YOU BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE. YOU BE HAPPY. KNOW YOUR NOT ALONE! KNOW THAT EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. DON'T CRY ANYMORE!

LET'S BE CONFIDENT IN OUR OWN SKIN TOGETHER!!

XOXO, NERI LEA ALANIZ 💕

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